This is an actual thing that happened: I got to eat eggnog French toast at a TV table and watch cartoons once. You can read all about it in Super Lexi Is Not a Fan of Christmas. The thing about eggnog French toast is that it’s actually delicious. I wrote an official Top Secret recipe for you so you can eat it, too.
Stuff You Need
8 pieces of bread (Udi’s if you’re not a fan of wheat)
Between the mushy food, the fancy clothes and all that grown-up talk at the table, Thanksgiving can be a source of stress for a lot of kids . One way to overcome this is to give kids control over as many aspects of the holiday as is reasonable. When I was a kid, my family put me in charge of a very important thing: the cranberry bread.
Every year, my wonderful sister and mother read the classic “Cranberry Thanksgiving” by Wende and Harry Devlin with me. It’s a picture book for school-aged kids, one of those quiet books from the 1970’s, with gorgeous illustrations. The plot centers around a world-famous secret cranberry bread recipe, which is published for the reader in the last pages (and on Amazon’s Look Inside).
Every year I made that “secret” recipe. Every year, I had at least one not-mushy thing to eat. Every year, I had a tiny but important amount of control at an otherwise stressful event.
Now that I’m older, I’ve passed the “secret” recipe down to the kids in my family. However, with food allergies rampant, not everybody in our family can eat those old mainstream recipes anymore. So, I’ve adapted it to be more allergy-friendly.
Normally, food shaped like faces is one of my phobias. But these spooky things are supposed to be creepy, so they make sense. Plus, they’re easy to make and your parents won’t gripe about how Halloween food has too much sugar.
*Shortcut: if you don’t feel like making crust, use Udi’s bagels, but only if you’re not allergic to eggs.
Mix up the pizza dough just like the directions say. Now wait while it sits in a blob for an hour.
To make that boring hour go faster, cut the whole lump of Daiya cheese into mummy tape. It’s soft enough for a kid to do it with a not-sharp knife . That’s good exercise and it makes you better at handwriting. Daiya glops, though, so wipe your knife every now and then.
When the pizza dough is fat enough, have your grown-up turn the oven on to 375. Wipe or spray grease all over a cookie sheet. Put flour all over your hands. That’s messy and fun.
Now you’re ready to divide the dough up into 6 globs. If you know about fractions, this is a good time to brag about them. If not, ask your grown-up to tell you about them because they are spectacular. Then put the 6 globs of dough onto the sheet. When the dough sticks to you, rub yourself with more flour. Flatten the dough globs into mummy shapes. Perfect circles are boring mummies, so screw them up on purpose.
Cook those things for 6 minutes then have your grown-up take them out. Brush the melted ghee all over edges of the circles on account of that’s delicious, but it’s not a have-to. Slop on some pizza sauce, then put the mummy tape all over. Don’t make it straight even if you like straight things on account of mummy tape is messy. Stick the olives on for eyeballs on and cook them for three more minutes.
After they’re done, look at how cute they are. Then take the olives off if you think they’re gross like I do. Now eat those delicious things!
Happy October! This twist on the classic caramel dip is a great alternative for kids who can’t have dairy or corn syrup. You can taste the coconut in this dip, so I only recommended for kids who like that flavor. Some yummy variations include adding about 1/4 cup of dairy-free chocolate chips or a 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon.
1 cup sugar
1 cup coconut milk solids (This is the heavy layer at the top of a coconut milk can. Thai Kitchen usually has a full cup’s worth. Supplement with the liquid if you don’t have enough)
1 tsp vanilla or vanilla bean paste
Cook sugar over medium-high heat in a heavy saucepan. When the sugar starts to melt (about 5 minutes), turn the heat down to low. The trick is to allow the sugar to turn a caramel color, without letting it get dark. Stir with a wooden spoon as needed if sugar is darkening quickly. When sugar is melted and is a caramel color, add the coconut milk. It may splatter, so back up if necessary. The sugar will solidify into a large solid candy. Keep over medium-low heat, stirring frequently until all the candy has melted (about 15 minutes).
Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Refrigerate until the caramel has thickened (about 1 hour). Enjoy!
Before I got allergic to everything I ever liked, these cupcakes were my favorite meal of all time. They are actually delicious, which is how come I had to invent this recipe. One of your parents has to help, on account of you’ll probably get bored halfway through and walk away.
We bring these cupcakes to parties, because even the kids that aren’t allergic to stuff think they taste spectacular. That’s an actual fact.
Preheat the oven according to the directions in the box. Put 15 cupcake cups in your pan, on account of you’ll have more than the box says. Follow the directions on the box, but use Earth Balance butter or ghee instead of butter. Fill your cups ¾ of the way full on account of they grow. This stuff smells delicious but don’t sneak a taste on account of the raw eggs will make you barf. Let them cool for a while before you squirt anything into them.
2. Make the delicious, creamy, marshmallow-y filling.
While the cupcakes cool, beat the butter with beaters. Throw in ½ cup of powdered sugar. Add vanilla, and half the coconut milk. Alternate like that until the sugar and coconut milk are all used up. Then add the delicious marshmallow cream and sneak a little with your finger so you can taste the best ingredient on Planet Earth. Beat it until it’s perfectly smooth & stick in the fridge until you’re ready to squirt it.
3. Make the chocolate stuff that peels of the top (ganache)
Have a grown-up cook the coconut milk until it’s super hot, then pour it all over the chocolate chips. Stir it all up until it’s smooth and very delicious. Also, sneak some of this with your finger. Leave this stuff on the counter until you’re ready to splat it all over the cupcakes.
4. Squirt the delicious, creamy, marshmallow-y filling into the cupcakes
If you have a cupcake corer this is the time to use it. Not everybody has one of those things, though. .I don’t. I just use a pastry bag with a star tip. (You can make one with a freezer bag) Stick it into the top center of the cupcakes and squirt. Lick your fingers whenever possible, but don’t spread your germs or you’ll get in trouble.
5. Slather the cupcakes with the chocolate ganache stuff that goes on top
Use a frosting spreader for this. This is a very easy time to sneak tastes because it’s messy and you can say you’re cleaning your fingers.
6. Make the squiggle icing
Throw all the ingredients into a bowl and beat them until they turn delicious and smooth. Put it in a pastry bag with a small tip and make squiggles on your cupcakes.